< random emptiness... / 2004-01-13 >

ugh, the internet, its like i have no place to go, on this gihugic superhighway and i sit here bored of all the sites i usually go to...already read everyone's diaries/journals/whatevers. played enough online games to satisfy my nerdiness for a good decade. so what else is there to do?? come to my quote private diary that nobody sees, and probly never will see. BWAHAHAHA! lets see, shit on my mind right now, i just read jason's diary and like, jeez that boy. i love that kid but sometimes... i mean... sometimes YOU gotta take the initiative. fucking pleas for help that are SILENT dont exactly get the message across. it scares me sometimes, his thoughts. second... niqui's going home and it hit me and its so sad and im taking it personally even though i shouldn't. i just feel like i did something wrong. third. i dont see my mother enough and im starting to really miss her and i wanna do stuff with her but im sure she thinks that i dont because i'm just her stupid teenage daughter. sigh. fourth. i am starting to really miss alex again but i dont think so much alex himself anymore as much as what we "had" and what i felt with him. what i felt. that is slowly disappearing, becoming a part of me again and i will soon turn away and be ready to give it to someone else. but i really miss the complete, the utter happiness i felt in his arms. anyways. enough of that stuff & nonsense. its funny how when im like in love i look at couples and think awww, thats so cute because i know how that is, but now that im slipping out of it im like ew, mushiness in general, gross. but now theres another guy. yes i met a boy!! well i havent even met him truly yet. hes a friend of a friend and ive talked to him a bunch online except liz likes him so thats grrr. i am not gonna get in the way cuz she saw him first (lol) but still.. he is really freaking amazing, totally different from anybody i have met before... he's so interesting and intelligent and oh i just adore him. sigh. thats about it. that and theres a kink in my straight ass hair that i need to fix. notice how i said straight ass and sounded all cool. haha. im cool.

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